Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Personal Foul: Illegal Use of Hands, Feet, Arms...

Chad Johnson
Strip searches can't
be far behind
The No Fun League announced plans to crack down on the Terrell Owens’, Chad Johnson’s, and any other over exuberant player next season with new rules limiting end zone demonstrations following touchdowns. Crappy officiating be damned, there will be no nonsense after driving the pigskin to the promise land.

The move is simply baffling. With all of the problems exposed during last season’s playoffs, the NFL’s merry band of nit-wit owners decides to implement this? No props (ala T.O.’s sharpie, or Johnson’s pylon putter), but spiking, dunking or spinning the ball or allowed.

Can you imagine the discussion these 32 senile old bats had in trying to figure out what was permitted and what wasn’t?

Rickety Owner A: “I think we should limit this kind of stuff to the classics, like the Billy ‘White Shoes’ Johnson dance. You know. Good clean wholesome stuff that families can connect with.”

Stodgy Owner B: “Here here. By the way, I’d like to nominate Joe Buck to replace Tagliabue. He’s squeaky clean and did you hear him rip Moss for mooning the Lambeau crowd?”

Bumpkin Owner C: “I second the nomination. I’d also like to see another two inches lopped off cheerleader uniforms this season. Sex sells boys!”

Remaining owners roar in approval, followed by high 5’s (which are permitted in the end zone next season)

These buffoons should be handing out penalties to the opposing team based on the creativity of end zone celebrations, not the other way around.

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