Friday, April 28, 2006

It's All In the Name

Forget that NFL prospect's time in the 40, or the number of reps the guy can benchpress. There's an easier way to gauge NFL talent than to worry about verticle leaping ability and Wonderlic scores. In today's marketing happy NFL, it's all about what's on the outside that counts. Starting with the letters on the back of the guy's jersey. So we decided to help some of those clueless GM's out there by ranking the top 10 NAMES in this weekend's NFL draft. If an NFL GM needs a reason to pick someone, it may as well be becasue they have a cool name. Our picks, from top to bottom:

RankPlayerPos / SchoolComments
1D'Brickashaw FergusonOT, VirginiaAn O-lineman with the word "brick" is his name. Priceless.
2A.J. HawkLB, Ohio StateThat name was made to play linebacker in the NFL
3Lafaele (Vaka) ManupunaDT, ColoradoJust thinking of John Madden trying to pronounce that name makes it a top pick
4Kamerion WimbleyDE/LB, Florida State
Sounds like a stealth wind
5Haloti NgataDT, OregonHoly Gawd what just hit me?
6Santonio HolmesWR, Ohio State
Think of the nickname possibilities...Holmes
7DeMeco RyansLB, Alabama
Da me going to bust you upside the head.
8Kader DrameDT, SyracuseThe Raiders should draft this guy just because of his name
9Mathias KiwanukaDE, Boston CollegeUgandan for "I'm going to tear you in half Mr. QB"
10Kili LefotuOG, ArizonaSounds like "kill you"

And for the least desirable:

RankPlayerPos / SchoolComments
1Ashton YoubotyCB, Ohio StateGirls first name. Last name sounds too much like booty.
2Ghent AdrianCB, Troy StGents have no place in the NFL
3Sir Henry AndersonDT, Oregon StJust a bit too pretentious, don't ya think.
4Damarius BilboWR, Georgia TechUm, rhymes with...
5Willie ColonOT, HofstraDouble whammie for this poor guy.
6Trinity DawsonRB, ToledoTrinity? That's a girls name!
7Elvis DumervilDE, LouisvilleThis guy could be Bill Parcells whipping boy all season
8Banks FloodmanILB, KansasThis guy's pants can never be long enough
9Tearrius GeorgeDE, Kansas StateDoes his best friend wear a big yellow hat?
10Leverne JohnsonOLB, Troy StShirley you must be joking


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