Friday, April 28, 2006

It's All In the Name

Forget that NFL prospect's time in the 40, or the number of reps the guy can benchpress. There's an easier way to gauge NFL talent than to worry about verticle leaping ability and Wonderlic scores. In today's marketing happy NFL, it's all about what's on the outside that counts. Starting with the letters on the back of the guy's jersey. So we decided to help some of those clueless GM's out there by ranking the top 10 NAMES in this weekend's NFL draft. If an NFL GM needs a reason to pick someone, it may as well be becasue they have a cool name. Our picks, from top to bottom:

RankPlayerPos / SchoolComments
1D'Brickashaw FergusonOT, VirginiaAn O-lineman with the word "brick" is his name. Priceless.
2A.J. HawkLB, Ohio StateThat name was made to play linebacker in the NFL
3Lafaele (Vaka) ManupunaDT, ColoradoJust thinking of John Madden trying to pronounce that name makes it a top pick
4Kamerion WimbleyDE/LB, Florida State
Sounds like a stealth wind
5Haloti NgataDT, OregonHoly Gawd what just hit me?
6Santonio HolmesWR, Ohio State
Think of the nickname possibilities...Holmes
7DeMeco RyansLB, Alabama
Da me going to bust you upside the head.
8Kader DrameDT, SyracuseThe Raiders should draft this guy just because of his name
9Mathias KiwanukaDE, Boston CollegeUgandan for "I'm going to tear you in half Mr. QB"
10Kili LefotuOG, ArizonaSounds like "kill you"


And for the least desirable:

RankPlayerPos / SchoolComments
1Ashton YoubotyCB, Ohio StateGirls first name. Last name sounds too much like booty.
2Ghent AdrianCB, Troy StGents have no place in the NFL
3Sir Henry AndersonDT, Oregon StJust a bit too pretentious, don't ya think.
4Damarius BilboWR, Georgia TechUm, rhymes with...
5Willie ColonOT, HofstraDouble whammie for this poor guy.
6Trinity DawsonRB, ToledoTrinity? That's a girls name!
7Elvis DumervilDE, LouisvilleThis guy could be Bill Parcells whipping boy all season
8Banks FloodmanILB, KansasThis guy's pants can never be long enough
9Tearrius GeorgeDE, Kansas StateDoes his best friend wear a big yellow hat?
10Leverne JohnsonOLB, Troy StShirley you must be joking

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Young & Stupid

In 2003, Delmon Young was the first player taken in Major League Baseball’s amateur draft. On Wednesday night, Young was another dumb professional athlete who had made a bad decision in how to handle a situation on the field. Young thought it more appropriate to throw a bat into the chest of an umpire, rather than leave the field after getting tossed for arguing balls & strikes.

The younger brother of Detroit Tigers outfielder Dmitri Young. Perhaps big bro can knock some sense into the highly touted prospect.

Young delayed leaving the batter’s box after getting rung up by the umpire. When told that he, “you better get going”, Young flipped the bat end over end, striking the umpire in the chest.

"It was hard to say what was going through his mind. Guys have emotions. But you try to learn how to control them. I'm sure as the bat left his hands he knew it was a bad decision," said Pawtucket catcher Corky Miller.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who selected Young with the first overall pick in the 2003 amateur draft, will not comment until they dig deeper into the predicament. They can afford to be harsh in any punishment, as 1st overall picks should be available to the Rays for the next 7 to 10 years.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Joke is All Bull

Probably not the kind of marketing teh folks at Red Bull had in mind when they purchased the New York / New Jersey Metro Stars last March.

Alecko Eskandarian, a competitor who plays for D.C. United, was fined $250 by Major League Soccer on Tuesday for celebrating a goal by spitting out a mouthful of Red Bull. We don't blame him frankly, the stuff tastes like crap.

After scoring in United's 4-1 victory over the newly redubbed New York Red Bulls on Saturday, Eskandarian ran to the sideline and caught a can of the energy drink tossed to him by a teammate. Eskandarian took a swig and spat it out in mock disgust. He later said the prank was "just for laughs."

On Monday, he was honored as MLS player of the week. On Tuesday he was fined by the MLS ("More Laughs = Suspension") for the stunt. On Wednesday they'll probably make him Team President of the Red Bulls.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Trifecta Tuesday

• The San Jose Mercury News reports that Baroid the Steroid's personal trainer Greg Anderson (of BALCO fame and misfortune) has been subpoenaed to testify in the Great Baroid Perjury trial of 2006. The Mercury News, citing an unidentified source close to the investigation, also reported that former Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative vice president James Valente was subpoenaed. It is unknown if Dusty Baker’s 6 year old son will be called as a witness, but we’re thinking it’s a good bet.

• The Denver Nuggets suspended Kenyon Martin indefinitely on Tuesday night for conduct detrimental to George Karl’s ego. Karl was upset that Martin was upset about something that upset Karl. It’s an ugly story that keeps getting worse. Both egos have agreed to ignore each other for the time being. Karl will have the easier time doing so, since he’s the one doing the suspending.

• The sticky-icky has landed sticky Rickey Williams on the NFL suspended list for the entire 2006 season. The Miami Dolphins running back will now be forced to contemplate his mistakes away from any NFL based support groups (otherwise referred to as football teams). Williams has decided to let the smoke clear before deciding on his next course of action.

Lacrosser May Have Issues

Collin Finnerty, one of two Duke Lacrosse players who has been formally charged with eh rape of an exotic dancer, apparently has a bit of a checkered past. Finnerty was ordered Tuesday to stand trial in Washington on an unrelated assault charge. It seems that Finnerty and two accomplices are accused of punching a man after he told them to "stop calling him gay and other derogatory names.”

So he’s a rapist and a gay basher. What’s next? Nazi sympathizer? Child porn enthusiast? What the heck, the sky’s the limit.

The beauty of this latest revelation is that Finnerty is now going back to court on the assault charge because he couldn’t keep his nose clean. He would have been off the hook with some community service. But no, that would be too easy. So he takes the rape route and bam, the gay basher story is front page news.

Dumb Collin.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

WC NFL Draft Forecast Game

Alright all you pigskin prognosticators, it's time to join us for the NFL Draft Forecast game.

This game challenges you to predict the top 15 selections in order for the upcoming NFL Draft, using our easy to use drag and drop draft ranker. Best of all, it's FREE to play.

Get in the action now:
http://games.espn.go.com/draftforecast/group?groupID=1264

Game Front: http://games.espn.go.com/draftforecast/frontpage

Once you sign up, join the following group: "World Chumps"

Sunday Roundup

• A West Virginia student was detained at Marshall University's Edwards Stadium and had pages from a stenographer's seized after the student was caught diagramming Marshalll formations during a team practice.

Jonathan Paelbon
Wonder if he gives
odds as well?
• How smart is Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon? He bet teammate Kevin Youklis that he's let teammates give him a mohawk if he opened the season by pitching 10 scoreless innings. We have no idea what Papelbon's Wonderlic score was.

• Speaking of the Red Sox and "dumb", the team ended one of the dumbest disputes in baseball history by settling with former first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz on the fate of the ball that Mientkiewicz caught to end the 2004 World Series. Neither team will get it after all. It will spend the rest of eternity (or the period between Red Sox championships) in the Baseball Hall of Fame

• Baroid the Steroid ended his home run drought by belting his first of the year at Coors Field. After rouding the bases, he held a finger to his lips in a sad attempt to silence the Denver crowd. He just doesn't get it does he. They're booing you because you're a cheater genius.

• Forget the fact that LaVar Arrington was in court to support his agent Carl Poston, but recognize that Carl Poston was in court. The scourge of NFL agents is facing a two-year suspension by the NFL Players Association.

• More Busch League antics by one of the Busch boys. This time it was little moron Kyle Busch who slammed into Casey Mears car after a red flag had been issued to the field during the race at Phoenix Speedway on Saturday night. A red flag means "stop immediately". Everyone on the track got the message except for the trouble prone Busch.

• Giants Manager Felipe Alou needs to do more reading. He asked that an investigation be conducted to understand why Omar Vizquel was geeting beaned so often in Colorado over the weekend. Read Omar's book Felipe.

• Those Chinese are pulling out all the stops for the 2008 Summer Olympics. They've also figured out a way to get rid of poor neighborhoods along the way. You simply bulldoze them. Apparently the dude driving this Jonh Deere wasn't the same guy driving the tank in Tiananmen Square.

• Gotta hand it to Washington Nationals GM Jim Bowden for hanging on to his sense of humor. In his first public comment after being arrested for drunk driving and getting beaten up by his girlfriend earlier this week, Bowden put his situation into perspective. "If you have to spend a day in jail, at least it's an off-day, so you don't miss a game," he said. "There were some pretty good athletes in there. So if they get out, we might be able to work a couple out."

Reggie's Got Some Splanin To Do

Incredible to think that guys that are on the verge of raking in more money than they could ever imagine, still jump the gun and break the rules. Being the first overall pick in the NFL draft almost guarantees that kind of money. Everybody’s All-American, and soon-to-be #1 overall pick, Reggie Bush may have been a little jumpy in Cash Collection 101 while at USC.

Charles Robinson of Yahoo Sports is reporting that Bush’s parents promptly vacated a 3,000-square-foot house in a San Diego suburb over the weekend after the website approached Bush’s mother with inquiries about why they were living in a house that was linked to Michael Michaels, a sports marketer. Mr. Michaels is alleged to have tried to steer Bush to an agent.

USC has referred the matter to the NCAA.

"Rather than jumping to conclusions, we need to determine the facts before commenting on this report," Trojans athletic director Mike Garrett said in a statement released by the school on Friday. "We have asked the Pac-10 to look into this."

The school will need to do everything in its power to demonstrate that it had no knowledge of Bush’s dealings with Michaels, so any impropriety be proven. While Bush is raking in millions starting next week, the school gets to do the NCAA sanction-shuffle. What is it with SC running backs and their holier-than-thou attitudes?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

MLB Drops the Gloves

Major League Baseball finally took action against Barry Bonds on Wednesday. After a grand jury investigation, a possible grand jury indictment for perjury, and a tell-all book that has exposed Bonds as a roid-a-holic, the league acted swiftly, slapping Bonds with a $5,000 fine for wearing non-league approved wristbands.

Bob Watson, baseball's vice president for on-field operations, announced the ruling, but added that Bonds has already appealed. The league has had all it can stand, and it can’t stands no more.

"It probably will go to an arbitrator," Watson said.

Watson and other league officials were patting themselves on the back for taking such decisive action and hitting this epidemic squarely at the root.

Bonds was not in the lineup on Wednesday night. Apparently he was too distraught with the penalty to take the field as the Giants squared off with the Arizona Diamondbacks in Phoenix.

In related news, junkies around the globe have adopted a new wristband fashion craze. The elastic terry-cloth garments are not only fashionable, but functional. They come in a variety of colors and they easily camouflage track marks.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Apparently they don't offer Business Ethics 101

Duke Lacrosse
Buy 3, Get 1 free
pair of handcuffs
Duke’s Fuqua School of Business is one of the nation’s best places to learn about the great art of capitalism. The school’s retail store is leveraging the publicity, albeit bad, that the school’s lacrosse team has garnered in the past month for the sexual assault charges that have been brought upon two of the team’s players. So like any good (translation: evil) capitlist, the store is moving "Duke Lacrosse" merchandise like hotcakes.

"Historically, lacrosse has been one of our three or four best-selling sports," said Tom Craig, general manager of retail stores at the Durham, N.C., school. "But over the last month, sales have increased to three or four times our normal rate."

This guy can’t be serious.

"We just had to keep up with the demand," Craig said. "There are a couple outstanding orders that we are waiting on; but as of now, we are in great shape in terms of inventory online and at the stores."

The demand? Unreal! This guy is jonesing because he’s moving inventory thanks to the alleged rape of a woman by representatives of the school.

"I don't think we're taking advantage of the situation," Craig said.

Expect the “Son of Sam digs Duke” t-shirts in the campus bookstore in time for Christmas. The “Coach KKK” line should also be a big hit by the time lynching or basketball season rolls around (whichever comes first).

MLB Busts Out the "Naughty Corner" to Curb Roid Use

Major League Baseball dropped its Styrofoam hammer on Tuesday by suspending five no-name minor leaguers for positive steroids. Arizona Diamondbacks minor-league pitcher Angel Rocha won the bonus prize with a 100 game suspension for failing a second test.

The four others suspended, received 50 game penalties. Those scape goats included: Los Angeles Angels pitcher Karl Jelinas, New York Mets pitcher Jorge Reyes, St. Louis outfielder Yonathan Sivira and San Diego pitcher Matthew Varner.

Any major leaguer caught failing a test under the new toothless plan would receive the first time penalty of 50 games, regardless of if they failed a previous test under the old plan. That’ll teach those dirty scoundrels.

ESPN’s Pedro Gomez still has a sneaking suspicion that Barry Bonds has taken steroids, and is out to prove it. He’s still waiting for his copy of Game of Shadows, so his breaking news will have to wait a week or two.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Sunday Roundup

• Former Denver Broncos tight end Clarence Kay was arrested AGAIN. The eight year NFL vet has been arrested 12 times between 1984 and 2000. This time he faces a misdemeanor domestic violence charge for allegedly ramming his girlfriend's head into a carport.

• Los Angeles Kings forward Sean Avery squared off with Mighty Ducks of Anaheim television analyst Brian Hayward earlier this week. Avery took offense to some remarks Hayward had said about Avery on a Ducks broadcast. The two squared off in the Kings locker room. "You're the reason the league doesn't have a national television deal. You're a (terrible) announcer and you were a (terrible) player," Avery said during the exchange. Hayward’s response: "How would you know? When I played, you were in your third year of eighth grade."

Fore Sale
Fore the love of god!
• Speaking of the Kings...the pregame dominators turned another hot October and November into a season of discontent with their elimination from the Stanley Cup Playoffs this week. The Vancouver Canucks followed suit with an implosion of their own.

• Carrie Mae Stoudemire, 50, mother of Phoenix Suns star Amare Stoudemire could face up to 4 1/2 years in jail if convicted for two counts of aggravated DUI stemming from an accident last October. She was on probation for two other aggrevated DUI's at the time. She also gave arresting officers a fake driver's license. Stoudemire remains under house arrest until her trial begins in June.

• Yet another reason why the Orioles won't win the AL East any time soon. A home run hit by Javier Lopez on Sunday turned into an RBI single and an out after Lopez passed Miguel Tejada on the base path.

• And another story that should make North American professional athletes kiss the tails of their fans. Bulgaria's Botev Plovdiv soccer team needed a police escort after supporters in 30 cars chased down their bus while returning from a 2-1 loss to Sofia. Players ignited the ire of their fans after flipping the bird at them following a heated discussion on the loss.

• Two children were injured at a minor-league baseball game promotion that turned into the a big fat mess. The West Michigan Whitecaps dropped $1000 at Fifth Third Ballpark, then allowed children ranging from five to twelve to dash for the cash. A 7-year-old was trampled in the stampede.

• A cricket match in Bangladesh turned nasty, when a group of reporters and photographers squared off with the local police chartered with guarding the event. The media group was upset that a policeman had assaulted a photographer earlier in the 3-day test match. A good old fashioned cricket donnybrook broke out, resulting in several injuries to the reporters (apparently pencils aren’t as effective as batons). One reporter underwent surgery to stop a severe head injury.

• Baroid the Steroid's beaning in Los Angeles on Sunday had nothing to do with the alleged drug induced advantage that he's used to pound home runs off Dodgers pitching. It was in retaliation for the pitch Jeff Kent took off the dome earlier in the game. The events could make Giants-Dodgers matchups worth watching for the first time since Jon Roseboro retired.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Aussies, don't take no, uuh, jive...

Ready? OK!
Does this mean leg warmers
will be back in style soon?
Can’t say that we know any fat Australians, but the country down under is taking measures to ensure that the battle of the bulge doesn’t get out of hand. Well, at least not for the country’s cheerleaders. Gymnastics Australia, the governing body of all things pom-pom for the Aussies, has banned exposed midriffs for all cheerleading troupes by the end of the year.

Nerine Cooper, national cheerleading manager for Gymnastics Australia, said the decision was needed because cheerleaders often performed in front of family groups. And GA also doesn’t like fat girls apparently.

"We don't want girls to feel under pressure to lose weight because of uniforms," she told Sydney's Sunday Telegraph.

So which is it? You don’t want the girls to have eating disorders or you don’t want all the dads in Australia ogling the nation’s cheerleaders?

Lisa Ince, head of Sydney Promotional Dancers, disagrees

"It's ridiculous really, if the thinking is that a midriff is offensive, then every dance school and athletics club would face the same restrictions," Ince said.

And she forgot strip clubs and topless car washes. If you’re going to make an argument, pull out all the stops Lisa.

Now That's Focus

The next time you shoot triple digits on the golf course, stop pitying yourself and think about David Lynn’s round in the Volvo China Open. Lynn leads the tournament at Honghua International Golf Club by a stroke after shooting a five-under-par 67 on Thursday.

What’s so remarkable about a professional golfer shooting a nice round? Well, Lynn did it with a massive boil on his groin.

"I saw the doctor on Monday and it got quite bad on Wednesday and Thursday. I couldn't really line up my putts."

Imagine that. Lynn had the boil removed, so that he can really focus on his game.

"It takes your mind off golf."

Friday, April 14, 2006

Baroid Headed to the Bull Pen(itentiary)?

Baroid
Do you you think they'll
let him bring his wig?
No wonder Baroid hasn’t been launching bombs into McCovey Cove like every SF Giants fan had dreamed entering this season. He’s been too preoccupied with the notion of going to jail! The Associated Press is reporting that a federal grand jury is investigating Baroid to see if he committed perjury in 2003.

You may recall that other grand jury, way back in the golden age of baseball, 2003, when Baroid was summoned to testify on the BALCO scandal. His testimony indicated that he didn’t know that substances given to him by his personal trainer Greg Anderson, where steroids.

You can say a lot of thing about the U.S. government, but you can’t say the feds can’t make your life a living hell if they’re motivated enough. Lying to a grand jury is not one of our top 10 suggestions for keeping in good standing with the feds.

But Baroid doesn’t live on the same planet as you and I. He lives somewhere between Neverland and Wonderland (he does look a bit like the Cheshire Cat when he’s grinning doesn’t he?).

Do they let ESPN film crews into federal penitentiaries?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Around the Horn

• 10 unforgettable World Cup red cards [Who Ate All The Bratwurst]
• Urologist's Rap Rips T.O. [Early World]
• Say Hi to Barry with a sign [The GYS Network]
• MLB Steroid Auction [Lost Brain]
• Pacers Miss Having Ron Artest To Blame For Everything [The Brushback]

The Last Temptation of Copa Mundial

Teh King Loves Soccer
Elvis has left the town
along with the party
If you’re going to Germany for this summer’s World Cup with expectations of all you can consume soccer, suds and sex, be sure to steer clear of Bad Nauheim (rhymes with “Bad Time”). The resort town just north of Frankfurt is pulling out all the stops for its guests from Saudi Arabia, which includes hiding all the alcohol and cutting off the porn channels in town hotels as a means to remove all temptation for its Muslim guests.

"We do have a photo exhibition in the pool area which shows a lot of skin and it goes without saying that it will be removed by then," Michel Prokop, general manager of the Hotel Dolce Bad Nauheim, told Reuters.

Art nouveau paintings that feature naked boys wearing wigs will also be removed from a theater in town (not sure that would have been on our “must see” list).

"We will leave the Pay-TV on in their rooms but the porn movie channels will of course be turned off," said Prokop. "All the alcohol will be removed from the mini bars and replaced with soft drinks."

Kind of amusing that the town that once served as home for Elvis Presley’s while he was in the Army from 1956 to 1960, will be the last place any hound dog will want to frequent during the Cup. Party On (over to the next town buddy)!

Monday, April 10, 2006

No, Motor Oil Was Not Involved

Cat fight! Well almost. After NASCAR Super Dork Kurt Busch wrecked Greg Biffle at Texas Motor Sppedway on Sunday, Biffle’s extremely hot girlfriend Nicole Lunders, stormed out of Biffle’s pit and bee-lined it over to Busch’s pit before giving Busch’s girlfriend an earful. Apparently she was not convinced that Busch’s tactics were honorable, so she decided to stand up for her man.

The first question that came to mind after hearing this story was, Kurt Busch has a girlfriend??? Really? You sure she’s not one of those Winston girls that gets paid to stand around the track and shill cigarettes?

This is the same Kurt Busch who had to pin his ears back in the off-season because he was losing a tenth of second per lap because of the drag.

"That just shows her professionalism," Busch said of Biffle’s woman after the race. No, no, no Kurt, you’re the one who has to pay your woman to be there. That makes your girl the professional.

One order of tongue please, but hold the MSG

New York Rangers City Skaters
We thought you hired us to distract
people from the lousy hockey?
Courtney Prince gets to have in day after all. Two years after the fun boys at Madison Square Garden got their groove on, Prince gets to air her grievances with MSG and their band of Gene Simmons wanna-bes. Prince, a former New York Rangers City Skaters cheerleader filed a sexual discrimination lawsuit against MSG alleging comments and conduct that are "insulting, demeaning and objectifying and could be considered severe by a reasonable employee."

She said she was fired in January 2004 after she was accused of "disparaging" members of management by calling them sexual predators. All of this after an MSG employee tried to stick his tongue down Prince’s throat. Apparently this guy thought it was the perfect way to indicate that he was ready to par-tay!

The claims go on to tell how the employee hand picked her for sex…before telling her he was ready to have sex with all of the cheerleaders. She said Garden executives required the cheerleaders to stuff their bras and be sexually alluring.

MSG officials deny any wrongdoing, citing that they “didn’t get any!”

“How were we supposed to know she was frigid?,” said another official. “We thought that whole ice routine thing was part of the act!”

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sunday Roundup

• At the rate he's going, Alfonso Soriano will have been traded by every team in Major League Baseball by the time he's 30.

• Dwight Gooden will now have one year to score as much cocaine as he wants.

• After that takedown / body-slam of Shay Doron in the NCAA Women's Final, we'd say that Mistie Williams has a future in the WWF

• How many of you lept out of your chairs when you heard that Duke's head coach had resigned, only to come back to earth after figuring out it was the lacrosse coach?

• If California star Leon Powe learned anything in college, he'll go from being Powe to Not-Powe by jumping into the NBA draft.

• No-mo No-mar. At least not for a while.

• Tiger Woods looked as green as the jacket he had to slip on his arch-enemy's shoulders.

Welcom to Guwahati - "Ass I Am"

All this time we thought cricket was one of those ultra-civil sports, played by gentlemen who broke for tea and biscuits. So much for that vision. Indian police in Guwahati were forced to fire tear gas at spectators, after a riot broke out at the stadium where England and India were supposed to play the fifth of seven one-day matches.

Heavy rains made the field conditions unplayable, but that wasn’t good enough for the hoards of fans who were ready to see their countrymen take on the Brits. Indian fans tore down fencing surrounding the stadium and started fires, and attacked policemen.

Guwahati is located in India’s northeast province of Assam. Fans left the province is an”I” short of its new slogan, “Ass I Am”.

Hooliganos Italianos

Those nutty Italians don’t really tolerate mediocrity. At least not “fans” of the Inter Milan football team. A bad of alleged supporters attacked Inter Milan players at Malpensa Airport in Milan on early Sunday morning after the team’s elimination from the Champions League.

Inter was returning home after defeating Ascoli 2-1 in a league game on Saturday night. The win keep Inter in the hunt for second place in Serie A and an automatic qualification for next season's Champions League.

Midfielder Cristiano Zanetti was roughed up, resulting in a bruised dome. Two police officers who attempted to fend off the attackers were also injured. The attackers wore masks in the assault.

Philadeliphia Eagles fans were being rounded up half a world away for questioning. Ok, we made that last part up, but you weren’t surprised to read it!

Friday, April 07, 2006

One Nasty Hockey Hit



Our friends at YouTube made this one available to us (and you, tube).

Around the Horn

• As far as American professional teams go, there are three positions: midfielder, Fiery Spaniard and Determined Croatian. [BlogCritics]
• FIFA considers action over air strike [JPost]
• Meet Brigid -- student, model and, yes, pro football player [SICNN]
• Scaldin Balls [The Mirror]

Get That Mess Outta Here

You gotta hand it to the Germans, because they nailed this one. The German Basketball Federation banned players Tamien Trent and Michael Moten, both Americans, for nine months after they tested positive for marijuana. Forget the fact that these two clowns were busted for pot, but recognize the fact that the GBF has some teeth and they’re not afraid to show it.

The transgressions of the two players were caught in a random drug test following a game of February 11th for , WALTER Tigers Tuebingen. They were both suspended four days later and have subsequently been released by the team.

"I hope that this ruling will have a deterrent effect," Wolfgang Hilgert, chairman of the federation's anti-doping commission, said Friday.

Could you imagine a similar policy in the NBA? It would certainly benefit teams like those in the GBF, because half the NBA would suspended and released by the All Star Break. Rasheed Wallace may as well toss those aspirations of someday playing in Germnay.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

When did Geraldo start working for NBC?

NASCAR's demographic?
Come one, come all.
Targets is targets!
If NBC had any aspirations of extending its television contract with NASCAR, they may have shot themselves in the foot. The network’s “Dateline” television program confirmed that it had intentionally sent Muslim-looking men to last weekend’s race at Martinsville, Virginia along with a film crew to record spectator reaction to the presence of the men.

"It is outrageous that a news organization of NBC's stature would stoop to the level of going out to create news instead of reporting news," NASCAR spokesman Ramsey Poston said. "Any legitimate journalist in America should be embarrassed by this stunt. The obvious intent by NBC was to evoke reaction, and we are confident our fans won't take the bait," he said.

Recording events as they happen is great journalism. Making up events in order to record them is downright assinine.

None of the men were bothered at the event, which left the crew will little to do. Surprisingly the show’s producer’s didn’t think to have the men start burning Confederate flags in the stands. That may have raised an eyebrow or two.

Even the Ku Klux Klan was embarrassed by the stunt.

“Hell, we don’t lynch people in broad daylight!” said an unidentified Klan spokesman.

More Dastardly Duke Deeds

The Duke lacrosse incident continued to spiral out of control on Wednesday when authorities unsealed documents that reveal a sordid email which was allegedly sent by one of the Duke players. The email was apparently sent less than two hours after the rape of a stripper at a house near the Duke campus.

The email is said to have included an eerie message regarding the plans of one player.

"I plan on killing the bitches as soon as the(y) walk in and proceeding to cut their skin off," the author wrote, adding in vulgar terms that he would find the act sexually satisfying. The author then signed the email with his jersey number.

The genius probably also didn’t realize that there is a “From” line on most emails. Yeah, use your jersey number. That’ll fool em. The bonehead author is reported to have attended one of the "Take Back the Night" marches on campus on March 29. We’re thinking he may have misunderstood the purpose of the march.

The effects of the email’s release were swift. Lacrosse coach Mike Pressler resigned within hours and the remainder of Duke’s season was cancelled. An internal probe into the university's response to alleged violence by athletes was also commissioned by Duke President Richard H. Brodhead.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Family Guy (for the most part)

ESPN debuts its new reality series / sad marketing ploy “Baroid on Baroid” on Tuesday. The docu-ganda interviews the Giant outfielder on a variety of subjects, including Baroids lackluster playoff record (which started in high school at Serra High School in San Mateo, California) to steroids.

At one point in the show, Baroid breaks down and cries (wait until Gary Sheffield hear's about this!) when describing how he doesn’t care if the media and public break him, so long as he’s there to stand up for his family. Baroid put on a masterful performance, with eyes watering on queue and his voice crackling (wonder if the Grand Jury got a taste of his acting ability?).

It was a perfect exhibition of emotion except for this next part. His screenwriters may have their work cut out for them for the next episode after the Oakland Tribune published a report on Tuesday, telling the tale of Bonds aunt, Rosie Bonds Kreidler. Apparently Aunt Rosie who has been living out of a car for the past year after a car wreck left her unable to work. Without a job, Aunt Rosie can't pay the bills.

So the big sobbing family man tries showing the public a softer side, thumping his chest about how he’s there for his family, while his father’s sister is passing the days in a junked car? Isn't Baroid worth a few bucks?

She says she hasn’t asked him for assistance because she’s embarrassed to ask, but the point here is that big man is supposedly looking out for his family. Guess not. Baroid declined to comment on the story, which means we’ll get the staged response in a few weeks, via his new marketing buddy, ESPN.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Pads Fans Needle BtS

San Diego is known for its sun, beaches and laid back lifestyle, not its sense of humor. That is until Monday when a sharp witted Petco Park spectator flipped a plastic syringe at Baroid the Steroid during the opening day game between the San Francisco Giants and the San Diego Padres.

The syringe was comprised solely of the plastic barrel and plunger, and did not contain a needle (which would have been not so funny). To Baroid’s dismay, the barrel was empty, so that meant no freebie for the big guy.

Not surprisingly, Baroid shrugged it off after the game. What did you expect, a tirade? Imagine what stadium occupants outside of Balcoville would start hurling if he reacted with any venom. The bad guy in the black (and orange) hat knows he’s the bad guy now. He was booed every time he came to bat.

Our favorite sign of the day was simply a placard comprised of a single character. The character being a bold faced asterisk, which symbolizes the biggest bold faced lie in professional sports history.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Sunday Roundup

• Randy Moss' agent Dante DiTrapano was arrested for the second time this month in Florida. This time for not showing up to a hearing stemming from his March 14th arrest on crack cocaine charges. What's more amazing is that Moss has remained a choir boy for the last year.

• ESPN reported Pedro Gomez learns this week that Barry Bonds is suspected of using steroids. Vows to "get right on the story."

• How can you tell it's Spring? Easy. Kerry Wood, Mark Prior and Ryan Klesko are all on the D.L.

• George Mason's band played "Livin on a Prayer" for the last time on Saturday.

• Speaking of George Mason, Jim Larranaga your 15 minutes are up.

• Big Baby may want to work on his post up game this summer.

• If Joakim Noah's professional basketball aspirations don't pan out, he can team up with pop Yanic and form a Milli Vanili cover band.