Thursday, February 17, 2011

Catching up with the Auburn oak tree killer

From Yahoo Sports:

Today's lessons for would-be environmental vandals: If you're going to take it upon yourself to destroy a venerable icon beloved by hundreds of thousands of people, a) Pick a target that's not monitored by camera 24 hours a day, and b) Don't call in to the most popular radio show in the state to brag about your crime. Otherwise, you might end up like 62-year-old Alabama fan Harvey Almorn Updyke, better known now as "Al from Dadeville," who was arrested early this morning for allegedly applying a lethal dose of herbicide to a pair of 130-year-old oaks at Toomer's Corner, the traditional campus meeting point for Auburn fans to celebrate victory by rolling the trees. Updyke is charged with criminal mischief and was being held this morning on $50,000 bond.

His arrest came less than 18 hours after Auburn confirmed the poisoning in a release on Wednesday afternoon. Initially, the university was alerted by a caller to the Paul Finebaum Show on Jan. 27, "Al from Dadeville," who proudly described poisoning the trees with Spike 80DF – the same herbicide later found in soil samples – a few days after Auburn's comeback win over Alabama last November. According to the university, the lowest level of Spike detected in samples was 0.78 parts per million, "a very lethal dose." The highest level detected was 51 parts per million, some 65 times that lethal dose, which is possibly enough to warrant significant environmental penalties. (The university also said there's "no reason to suspect any human danger from the herbicide," and expert said at a press conference this morning that there's very little chance any groundwater would be affected.) Auburn police chief Tommy Dawson said this morning Updyke potentially faces further charges, but declined to elaborate.

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Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Classless Star

From the Calgary Herald...

Smirking. Smug. Potty-mouthed. Narcissistic.

Sure.

But pathetic. More than anything.

The smutty, smart-ass kid at the back of the classroom giggling at his own dirty jokes. The preening campus jock who expects all the nerds to drop their jaws in envy and the cheerleaders to drop their pom-poms in ecstacy.

No class, all class-clown.

Infantile.

More Here

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Tiger on the Lamb

Detroit Tigers slugger in absentia Dmitri Young has some splainin to do after he failed to show for a pretrial hearing regarding a domestic violence charge filed against him back in April. An arrest warrant was issued for Young after a judge ruled that Young’s attorney failed to provide a good enough excuse regarding Young’s whereabouts.

The 32-year-old is currently on the disabled list with an injured right quadriceps, and left the team for what the Tigers called "personal reasons" in late May.

Young’s attorney William Swor missed the hearing himself, but he supposedly told Assistant Oakland County prosecutor Tare Wigod that Young had a medical emergency and was out of state.
Judge Diane D'Agostini rejected the request for a delay and demanded proof by the end of the day that Young was housed at a legitimate medical facility. She also ordered Swor to appear in her courtroom on Friday. A fax from Swor was ruled insufficient evidence that Young needed to be out of state, so D’Agostini lowered the boom.

Young's antics explains younger brother Delmon Young's behavior.

Yet another reason to hate Duke

The golden boy ain’t so golden after all. Duke’s J.J. Redick was arrested early Tuesday for drunk driving. The 21-year-old Redick was released on $1,000 bond shortly after being taken before a Durham County magistrate. He is to appear in court July 17.

"J.J. knows he made a mistake and regrets it," Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said in a statement. "He represented the very best in college athletics and exhibited outstanding character at Duke the last four years. He is and will continue to be a credit to the Duke basketball family. As his friend and his coach, he has my total support."

Translation: As long as guys like Redick continue to make me one of the highest paid coaches in the NCAA, then he can do whatever he wants. Drive drunk, attend lacrosse parties, pick your poison man!

Friday, May 05, 2006

A Derby Sure to Be a Cut Above the Rest

OJ
"No seriously, I didn't do it"
Nothing says Kentucky Derby like Mint Juleps in May, but this year’s race may have more of a Bloody Mary feel to it. The Derby’s newest fan, one Orenthal James Simpson, has been slicing up and down the paddock at Churchill Downs this week, soaking up the atmosphere that is the spectacle of the run for the roses.

The Juice has been trying to keep a low profile while in Louisville, but it isn’t as easy as it sounds. Cut off your ex-wife’s head and never live it down. Who knew?

O.J. hasn’t been keeping a low profile when it comes to talking about who he thinks is going to win this year’s Derby. He’s going with Lawyer Ron.

"I love lawyers, I know all about lawyers," he said, mentioning the late Johnnie Cochran in his diatribe to reporters on Thursday.

Oh man that O.J. is a real cut-up isn’t he.

Still, the man can still sound like a lunatic if you give him the opportunity.

"You got better parties here than you do in Miami at the MTV Awards," he said. "It's the No. 1 event of the year. The hip-hop/movie/horse culture is all here."

Hip Hop? Say What?

"It comes down to Kentucky hospitality," he said. "I feel totally comfortable and everybody's great."

Well, except for the 250,000 attendees who wouldn’t spend 30 seconds with you alone for fear of having their throat slashed.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Don't Mess with the Bambino

Lumpy
"OK, this head swelling
we can explain."
The Babe sent a message on Wednesday night. That message came in the form of a batting practice foul ball that nailed Barry Bonds right between the eyes...through the BP net. The message was clear as day. "Break my record through lies and deception and I will take offense." In fact, the Bambino may not even let it happen.

Bonds was nailed by a foul ball off the bat of San Francisco Giants rookie infielder Kevin Frandsen. Bonds was standing behind the protective batting practice netting, but he was close enough that the ball caused Bonds to yelp after taking one off the dome. He sprawled out on the turf for several minutes while trainers attended to him.

Bonds trails Babe Ruth by two career home runs, but will be catch the Bambino? The message from the grave was probably just a warning. Because Babe Ruth didn’t do anything half assed you see. So if Bonds knows what’s good for him, he’ll quit now.

Why even bother continue one of the most tainted records in professional sports? Major League Baseball has already snubbed Bonds, saying they won’t sanction any celebration to honor Bonds should he break Ruth’s 714 home run mark. The league has also indicated that it will not certify any ball that is involved in a 714 or 715 Bonds home run.

IT was no coincidence that Bonds was injured in Milwaukee, home of the Brewers. Ruth was a notorious drinker, so the renegade baseball surely didn’t find its way to Bonds coconut by accident. The message was loud and clear.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Trifecta Tuesday

• Los Angeles Lakers center Kwame Brown is being investigated for a sexual assault, which allegedly occurred following the Lakers Game 3 victory on Saturday night. No charges have been filed and Brown played in L.A.’s 114-97 loss to the Suns on Tuesday night. Lakers head coach is re-examining his team mantra, “Be like Kobe.”

• Tampa Bay Devil Rays farmhand Matt Rico was suspended for 100 games on Tuesday after testing positive for drugs. The Devil Rays were ecstatic, because now they have more roster room for upcoming 1st overall draft picks.

• Several Seattle Mariners pulled a fast one on manager Mike Hargrove, when they asked to join a nationwide labor boycott in support of immigrant rights. Mariners fans were left asking themselves if the entire team had planned on making an appearance anytime this season.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Like Father, Like Son

Pete Roses
Why isn't he doing something
honrable, like freezing his
father's head?
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. At least not when the tree is named Pete Rose. Rose’s sone, Pete Rose Jr., was sentenced Monday to one month in prison and five months of home detention for distributing a steroid to his Chattanooga Lookouts teammates. The 36-year old Rose has floundered in the minor leagues his entire career, hoping to mimic the notoriety that his father achieved as a baseball player/

He couldn’t do it with his baseball skills, so he turned to the next best thing, a baseball scandal.

"I made a mistake and hurt a lot of people," Rose said outside the courthouse after the sentencing. "The judge is great. He was very generous and I can't thank him enough. He doesn't have to worry about me doing anything like this again," Rose said.

Given that Rose probably won't be allowed anywhere near a baseball clubhouse, the chances of his becoming a repeat offender seem pretty slim.

The 36-year-old Rose pleaded guilty Nov. 7 to distributing the steroid alternative GBL. Rose faced up to two years in the clink and a $1 million fine. Like his father, he also will not be landing in the Baseball Hall of Fame anytime soon.

Friday, April 28, 2006

It's All In the Name

Forget that NFL prospect's time in the 40, or the number of reps the guy can benchpress. There's an easier way to gauge NFL talent than to worry about verticle leaping ability and Wonderlic scores. In today's marketing happy NFL, it's all about what's on the outside that counts. Starting with the letters on the back of the guy's jersey. So we decided to help some of those clueless GM's out there by ranking the top 10 NAMES in this weekend's NFL draft. If an NFL GM needs a reason to pick someone, it may as well be becasue they have a cool name. Our picks, from top to bottom:

RankPlayerPos / SchoolComments
1D'Brickashaw FergusonOT, VirginiaAn O-lineman with the word "brick" is his name. Priceless.
2A.J. HawkLB, Ohio StateThat name was made to play linebacker in the NFL
3Lafaele (Vaka) ManupunaDT, ColoradoJust thinking of John Madden trying to pronounce that name makes it a top pick
4Kamerion WimbleyDE/LB, Florida State
Sounds like a stealth wind
5Haloti NgataDT, OregonHoly Gawd what just hit me?
6Santonio HolmesWR, Ohio State
Think of the nickname possibilities...Holmes
7DeMeco RyansLB, Alabama
Da me going to bust you upside the head.
8Kader DrameDT, SyracuseThe Raiders should draft this guy just because of his name
9Mathias KiwanukaDE, Boston CollegeUgandan for "I'm going to tear you in half Mr. QB"
10Kili LefotuOG, ArizonaSounds like "kill you"


And for the least desirable:

RankPlayerPos / SchoolComments
1Ashton YoubotyCB, Ohio StateGirls first name. Last name sounds too much like booty.
2Ghent AdrianCB, Troy StGents have no place in the NFL
3Sir Henry AndersonDT, Oregon StJust a bit too pretentious, don't ya think.
4Damarius BilboWR, Georgia TechUm, rhymes with...
5Willie ColonOT, HofstraDouble whammie for this poor guy.
6Trinity DawsonRB, ToledoTrinity? That's a girls name!
7Elvis DumervilDE, LouisvilleThis guy could be Bill Parcells whipping boy all season
8Banks FloodmanILB, KansasThis guy's pants can never be long enough
9Tearrius GeorgeDE, Kansas StateDoes his best friend wear a big yellow hat?
10Leverne JohnsonOLB, Troy StShirley you must be joking

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Young & Stupid

In 2003, Delmon Young was the first player taken in Major League Baseball’s amateur draft. On Wednesday night, Young was another dumb professional athlete who had made a bad decision in how to handle a situation on the field. Young thought it more appropriate to throw a bat into the chest of an umpire, rather than leave the field after getting tossed for arguing balls & strikes.

The younger brother of Detroit Tigers outfielder Dmitri Young. Perhaps big bro can knock some sense into the highly touted prospect.

Young delayed leaving the batter’s box after getting rung up by the umpire. When told that he, “you better get going”, Young flipped the bat end over end, striking the umpire in the chest.

"It was hard to say what was going through his mind. Guys have emotions. But you try to learn how to control them. I'm sure as the bat left his hands he knew it was a bad decision," said Pawtucket catcher Corky Miller.

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who selected Young with the first overall pick in the 2003 amateur draft, will not comment until they dig deeper into the predicament. They can afford to be harsh in any punishment, as 1st overall picks should be available to the Rays for the next 7 to 10 years.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Joke is All Bull

Probably not the kind of marketing teh folks at Red Bull had in mind when they purchased the New York / New Jersey Metro Stars last March.

Alecko Eskandarian, a competitor who plays for D.C. United, was fined $250 by Major League Soccer on Tuesday for celebrating a goal by spitting out a mouthful of Red Bull. We don't blame him frankly, the stuff tastes like crap.

After scoring in United's 4-1 victory over the newly redubbed New York Red Bulls on Saturday, Eskandarian ran to the sideline and caught a can of the energy drink tossed to him by a teammate. Eskandarian took a swig and spat it out in mock disgust. He later said the prank was "just for laughs."

On Monday, he was honored as MLS player of the week. On Tuesday he was fined by the MLS ("More Laughs = Suspension") for the stunt. On Wednesday they'll probably make him Team President of the Red Bulls.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Trifecta Tuesday

• The San Jose Mercury News reports that Baroid the Steroid's personal trainer Greg Anderson (of BALCO fame and misfortune) has been subpoenaed to testify in the Great Baroid Perjury trial of 2006. The Mercury News, citing an unidentified source close to the investigation, also reported that former Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative vice president James Valente was subpoenaed. It is unknown if Dusty Baker’s 6 year old son will be called as a witness, but we’re thinking it’s a good bet.

• The Denver Nuggets suspended Kenyon Martin indefinitely on Tuesday night for conduct detrimental to George Karl’s ego. Karl was upset that Martin was upset about something that upset Karl. It’s an ugly story that keeps getting worse. Both egos have agreed to ignore each other for the time being. Karl will have the easier time doing so, since he’s the one doing the suspending.

• The sticky-icky has landed sticky Rickey Williams on the NFL suspended list for the entire 2006 season. The Miami Dolphins running back will now be forced to contemplate his mistakes away from any NFL based support groups (otherwise referred to as football teams). Williams has decided to let the smoke clear before deciding on his next course of action.

Lacrosser May Have Issues

Collin Finnerty, one of two Duke Lacrosse players who has been formally charged with eh rape of an exotic dancer, apparently has a bit of a checkered past. Finnerty was ordered Tuesday to stand trial in Washington on an unrelated assault charge. It seems that Finnerty and two accomplices are accused of punching a man after he told them to "stop calling him gay and other derogatory names.”

So he’s a rapist and a gay basher. What’s next? Nazi sympathizer? Child porn enthusiast? What the heck, the sky’s the limit.

The beauty of this latest revelation is that Finnerty is now going back to court on the assault charge because he couldn’t keep his nose clean. He would have been off the hook with some community service. But no, that would be too easy. So he takes the rape route and bam, the gay basher story is front page news.

Dumb Collin.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

WC NFL Draft Forecast Game

Alright all you pigskin prognosticators, it's time to join us for the NFL Draft Forecast game.

This game challenges you to predict the top 15 selections in order for the upcoming NFL Draft, using our easy to use drag and drop draft ranker. Best of all, it's FREE to play.

Get in the action now:
http://games.espn.go.com/draftforecast/group?groupID=1264

Game Front: http://games.espn.go.com/draftforecast/frontpage

Once you sign up, join the following group: "World Chumps"

Sunday Roundup

• A West Virginia student was detained at Marshall University's Edwards Stadium and had pages from a stenographer's seized after the student was caught diagramming Marshalll formations during a team practice.

Jonathan Paelbon
Wonder if he gives
odds as well?
• How smart is Red Sox closer Jonathan Papelbon? He bet teammate Kevin Youklis that he's let teammates give him a mohawk if he opened the season by pitching 10 scoreless innings. We have no idea what Papelbon's Wonderlic score was.

• Speaking of the Red Sox and "dumb", the team ended one of the dumbest disputes in baseball history by settling with former first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz on the fate of the ball that Mientkiewicz caught to end the 2004 World Series. Neither team will get it after all. It will spend the rest of eternity (or the period between Red Sox championships) in the Baseball Hall of Fame

• Baroid the Steroid ended his home run drought by belting his first of the year at Coors Field. After rouding the bases, he held a finger to his lips in a sad attempt to silence the Denver crowd. He just doesn't get it does he. They're booing you because you're a cheater genius.

• Forget the fact that LaVar Arrington was in court to support his agent Carl Poston, but recognize that Carl Poston was in court. The scourge of NFL agents is facing a two-year suspension by the NFL Players Association.

• More Busch League antics by one of the Busch boys. This time it was little moron Kyle Busch who slammed into Casey Mears car after a red flag had been issued to the field during the race at Phoenix Speedway on Saturday night. A red flag means "stop immediately". Everyone on the track got the message except for the trouble prone Busch.

• Giants Manager Felipe Alou needs to do more reading. He asked that an investigation be conducted to understand why Omar Vizquel was geeting beaned so often in Colorado over the weekend. Read Omar's book Felipe.

• Those Chinese are pulling out all the stops for the 2008 Summer Olympics. They've also figured out a way to get rid of poor neighborhoods along the way. You simply bulldoze them. Apparently the dude driving this Jonh Deere wasn't the same guy driving the tank in Tiananmen Square.

• Gotta hand it to Washington Nationals GM Jim Bowden for hanging on to his sense of humor. In his first public comment after being arrested for drunk driving and getting beaten up by his girlfriend earlier this week, Bowden put his situation into perspective. "If you have to spend a day in jail, at least it's an off-day, so you don't miss a game," he said. "There were some pretty good athletes in there. So if they get out, we might be able to work a couple out."