Raging Bol

"Reach Advantage: Bol"

From the “what’s the point?” file, comes news that former NBA player Manute Bol and his wife have been arrested after a fight at their West Hartford home. Bol, 45, and his 27-year-old wife, Ajok Kuag, were charged with disorderly conduct Sunday.

Now for the good part.

Both were arrested after they showed up at the police station together to file complaints against each other! A verbal exchange turned physical, although neither appeared injured. We’re thinking ‘Nute pulled one of those Little Rascal moves by holding Kuag’s forehead with his six-foot arm, while she flailed away at him.

Wonder how you say “Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck” in Sudanese?

Did he get to keep the ball?

Kevin Garnett was fined $5,000 on Monday for throwing a ball into the stands during a game against the Memphis Grizzlies on Sunday, but that may just be the icing on Garnett’s wallet. The ball apparently hit a fan in the face, although it did not appear to be lofted with much velocity.

The fan asked to be removed from the arena via a stretcher, which was acknowledged by the rest of the fans in attendance with a chorus of boos. No charges were filed against Garnett, but a civil suit may be in the making.

Where’s Ron Artest when you really need him?

"I'd like to apologize once again to the fan and his family involved in yesterday's incident at the Target Center," Garnett said. "It was never my intent to injure anyone. I have the deepest respect for the fans of the NBA and the Minnesota Timberwolves."

Oh, and he loves his money too. Unfortunately for him, so may the leech that he hit.

The Run and Shoot is Big in Texas

An East Texas jury on Monday found Jeff Doyal Robertson guilty of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon in the shooting of a high school football coach. Robertson, a heating and air conditioning repairman, shot Gary Joe Kinne in April. Robertson's son played on the Canton' high school freshmen football team along with Kinne's son, who was the quarterback.

Robertson called Kinne out of his office, before critically injuring him with a gun blast. Robertson faces a prison sentence of two to 20 years.

Apparently, Robertson wanted to see more use of the shotgun in Kinne's offense.

Embarrassment of Olympic Proportions

"Throwing back a shooter"

While the rest of the world may remember the Torino games for their sportsmanship and grandeur, Americans will remember these games as one of the biggest flops in Team USA history. Never before were so many U.S. athletes hyped prior to the games, only to fall flat on their faces.

In snowboardcrosser Lindsey Jacobellis’ case, that’s exactly what she did. Fell on her face. Figure skater Sasha Cohen did the inverse and fell on her keester. Michelle Kwan never even competed after exposing the fact that she never should have been there in the first place. Johnny Weir was a flowery bust.

Moguls skier Jeremy Bloom failed to live up to his hype. Apolo Anton Ohno, while earning three medals, showed that he was second fiddle to the Koreans and that his Gold Medal in Salt Lake was indeed a gift.

The biggest pre-games favorite / post-games bust had to be alpine skier Bode Miller and his teammate Daron Rahlves. Miller was so busy soaking up the Olympic experience that he forgot to compete. He made up for it with a gold medal partying performance. Aerialist, Jeret Peterson got into a drunken fist fight at a bus stop, resulting in an early departure from the games.

"We take full responsibility for any unpleasant episodes," US Olympic Committee chief executive Jim Scherr said. "We need to do a better job at making (US athletes) understand how what they do affects the whole team and the country."

Peterson and Miller were downright embarrassments for Team USA.

No Canada!

So the Great One wants to take the fall for Team Canada’s woes at the Torino Olympics does he? That would be too easy, and rather convenient given his personal woes the past two weeks. He proved that even a gambling scandal can’t tarnish his bullet proof reputation, so why not take the blame for a horrendous performance by the Canadians this week.

"I take full responsibility," said Gretzky. "It's nobody else's fault. I will reassess what's best for me and for Hockey Canada. I want to win gold at the Vancouver Games in 2010.

Well, it actually is someone else’s fault. You can start with each and every player on the Canadian roster. What should have been a shoe in for the gold medal turned into the worst performance by a Canadian team in 26 years.

Guys like Todd Bertuzzi and Chris Pronger were stale holdovers from past Canadian glory, supplanting up and coming stars like Sydney Crosby and Eric Staal. It’s time for some house cleaning, so Gretzky should skip the self deprecating criticisms, because nobody is buying that story either.

Baroid the Steroid Calls It Quits

"Time lapsed photo of Baroid two seasons after retirement"

Baroid the Steroid announced on Sunday that the 2006 Major Leagu Baseball season will be his last. Good riddance! Baroid can join Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Raphael Palmiero on the all juiced team, then fade into oblivion.

Baroid said that he would retire regardless of if he catches Hank Aaron’s 755 home runs for the all-time record or not. Here’s hoping he doesn’t tarnish the great American pastime anymore than he already has.

MLB should honor Baroid by placing asterisks next to all of his career stats to call out just how "special" they really are.

Your Daily Olympic Scandal Update

• The banned Austrian ski coach at the center of a doping investigation at the Turin Olympics crashed his car into a police roadblock Sunday evening after leading authorities on a bizarre chase. The zaniness started when Mayer pulled over to the side of the road and took a nap in his car. A suspicious local resident called the cops. When the heat arrived to wake him up, Mayer sped away, striking and slightly injuring an officer. Mayer has had a tough week. Italian police seized blood analysis equipment during raids on the Austrian skiing compound earlier this week, where they found syringes, vials of distilled water, asthma medication and other substances. One Austrian athlete threw a bag out of a window containing needles and medicines, and Mayer apparently left the scene in a minivan.

• The U.S. men’s hockey team continued their experiment to see if sleeping pills enhance athletic performance in their game against Sweden on Sunday. Results continue to indicate that they do not. The U.S. lost 2-1, falling to 1-2-1 in pool play.

• Apolo Anton Ohno continued his mediocre performance in Turin, further supporting South Korea’s claim that his gold medal win in Salt Lake City was a sham. Ohno lost to Hyun-Soo Ahn (gold) and Ho-suk Lee (silver) in the men’s 1000m short track speed skating event on Sunday.

• Alpine skier has yet to fuse his lips together, against advice from a majority of Americans. That means that we’ll all be forced to listen to his excuses for his failures in all three Olympic events thus far and how he “doesn’t really care about medals anyway.”

It Does Pay to Cheat

NASCAR took a huge step backwards on Sunday when Jimmy Johnson and his Hendrick Motorsports car won the Daytona 500. Johnson’s car was modified illegally during qualifying for the Nextel Cup’s Super Bowl of races, but rather than kick Johnson and his car out of the race, NASCAR sanctioned the team by disallowing crew chief Chad Knaus from participating in the event.

In a sport that has grown wildly in popularity in the United States, big money is still the name of the game. In this case, NASCAR wouldn’t dare take any appropriate action against a team that is sponsored by Lowe’s, the national home improvement chain.

So heaven knows what Johnson’s team did to stretch the rules during the race. The fact of the matter is, Johnson’s team cheated and got caught. But rather than take action that had any teeth, Mike Helton and the money grubbers at NASCAR rolled over.

Helton even had the gall to say that NASCAR took this kind of behavior very seriously and that an appropriate punishment would be handed down. Mikey should shut up and get back to his banjo and ‘shine.

He Seemed Like Such a Nice Felon

"Father / Son Day at Comisky"

Cook County Judge Leo Holt should be thrown in the clink. The untra-compassionate Holt was the judge that allowed William Ligue Jr. to walk with a 30-month probation sentence after he and his then 15-year old son pummeled Kansas City Royals first base coach Tom Gamboa back in 2003 after the pair stormed the field.

At the time, Holt ruled that the sentence, “should not be viewed as a pass, or a slap on the wrist" because Ligue will have to live with the stigma of being a convicted felon.

That stigma has sure kept scumbags like Ligue out of hot water. The senior beater landed back in jail on Friday after Associate Judge Joseph M. Claps ruled that Ligue violated his parole after he was charged with breaking into a car in a Chicago suburb. In April of 2004.

The length of Ligue’s jail stay will be determined on March 10th. He will receive his sentence for the car burglary on February 21st. Gamboa suffered minor hearing loss in the attack, but apparently knocking someone deaf holds no penalty in Chicago.

Funny Meeting You Here

"You can call me Inspector Clouseau"

We knew that Albert Belle’s on-field antics were signs of sheer stupidity, but his post-baseball civilian life shenanigans are making up for lost time. Belle was arrested in Scottsdale, Arizona on Thursday for stalking his ex-girlfriend. Of course when you make millions in the major leagues, you stalk with the assistance of hi-tech gadgetry like a global positioning device.

Belle admitted to placing the GPS device in her car, after it was discovered by her. The unnamed woman told investigators that Belle "had been showing up everywhere she went (the store, on dates, the gym, etc.).”

When confronted with accusations of planting the device, he denied it, but on February 3rd, he left a message on her voicemail apologizing for “doing all that tracking stuff.” He followed up his admission with another message, threatening the woman.

We’re starting to think this guy’s head might be corked (you may recall that he was busted for corking his bat in ’94).

When asked to comment on his arrest, Belle responded by saying, "you didn't write a story about my Hall of Fame induction. You guys never report the good stuff that I do."

The HOF induction he was referring to is the Louisiana Sports Hall of Fame, of which he was inducted last year. We’re not even sure that HOF exists anymore, so does the induction still count?

Stylin ain't so Golden

"Guess who gave away the gold?"

In the true spirit of the Olympic Games, snowboardcross rider Lindsey Jacobellis was rewarded for her performance on Friday with a silver medal. We call it a reward, because Jacobellis should have been handed the first plane ticket out of Italy for pulling off one of the biggest blunders in Olympic history. Leading the women’s snowboardcross final by a lengthy margin, Jacobellis decided to showboat on one of the last jumps, but she biffed.

The mistake cost her the gold medal, which went to Switzerland’s Tanja Frieden, who slipped past the fallen in disbelief as the American scrambled to get back into the race. Jacobellis had such a huge lead that she managed to get back up and still beat the eventual bronze medalist, Canadian Dominique Maltais.

U.S. coach Peter Foley and the throngs of supporter also couldn’t believe what they were seeing.

"She definitely styled that a little too hard," he said.

Foley calls it “stying”, the host Italians call is “stupido”. After being featured predominantly in a Visa commercial leading up to the games, we’re wondering if the credit card company is going to ask for a refund?

Weir(d) Way to Lose a Medal

The biggest mouth at the Turin Olympics had few words for his lackluster performance on Thursday after missing the bus to the event of all things. But for Johnny Weir, the “prettiest flower on the ice” was all dried up after choking away a 2nd place start. Weir got his bus schedules crossed up and missed his transportation from the Olympic village to the rink.

After flapping his gums all week on topics ranging from triple Lutz’s to conservative America’s uncomfortable take on his “floweriness”, Weir stuck both skates in his mouth after the pulling off one of the biggest gaffs in Olympic history.

After whining about the lack of room service in his room and the “dust on the floor”, Weir failed to get the message that bus scheduled were altered to run every 30 minutes, rather than the 10 minute gaps he had expected.

"It was never brought to my attention it would be changed," Weir said. "I guess it's my fault because I didn't bother to ask."

"I learned I definitely want to stay in a hotel," he added.

Might we suggest he take advantage of the wake up calls while he’s there.

Ay Carumba!

"Hey that's not Pancho Villa!"

The Houston 1836 (formerly the San Jose Earthquakes), appears to have a little PR situation on their hands and they haven’t played a second of soccer in Texas yet. It seems that the name, a tribute to the year Houston was founded, isn’t a big hit with the Hispanic demographic.

What’s the big you ask? Well, the Hispanic demographic is something the team had hoped to win over. Texas has a large Hispanic population, so the picking should be easy right? Well, not when the founding of Houston itself rekindles the fact that Texas seceded from Mexico.

The fact that the 1836 also incorporates the image of Sam Houston into the team logo doesn’t sit well with many Mexicans. Houston’s defeat of Santa Ana still chaps some hides, but the marketing department of the recently relocated franchise forgot Marketing 101: never piss off a demographic with your brand.

Hump Day Odds & Ends

• The Portland Trail Blazers fined guard Sebastian Telfair on Wednesday after a loaded gun was found on the team's private jet at Boston's Logan Airport. Telfair claimed that he inadvertently picked up a bag belonging to his girlfriend. The handgun was found in a pillowcase belonging to Telfair as the team plane was being prepared for a flight from Boston to Toronto, the team said in a statement.

"Make it a double"

• Oklahoma State basketball coach Eddie Sutton acknowledged Wednesday night that he drank alcohol after taking medication for chronic back pain shortly before he was involved in a car accident. The 69-year-old Sutton, who announced Monday that he would take a medical leave of absence, said that during his leave, he would seek treatment for alcohol.

• A dog that won an award of merit at the recently concluded Westminster Kennel Club show escaped from its cage at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Wednesday and was believed to be on the loose in the surrounding area. Bohem C'est La Vie, a whippet, made its jail break at noon and had not been seen since/.

• Miami Dolphins tackle Damion McIntosh was arrested Wednesday on a charge of domestic violence against his wife at their home, police said. Precious McIntosh was treated at a hospital and released. Her husband was booked into the Broward County Jail. The 6-foot-4, 320-pound McIntosh started all 16 games for the Dolphins at left tackle last season.

Let's all go bloody curling

The Olympics are all about controversy, but the latest one is filled with intrigue at every bend, or curl in this case. It seems that the ice in the Olympic Curling tournament is not providing enough curve. In Curling lingo, it’s not “swingy” enough.

Furthermore, some of the games top players are worried that, get this, the tournament will be “boring” if the ice controversy keeps up. Enter Swedish ice master Leif Ohman, who is being held accountable by the “athletes” (oh how we use that term loosely) to setup the frozen stuff properly. Except that Ohman thinks they can stick their brooms where the sun don’t shine.

"Even if it's straight ice, it's the same for all the teams, they have to deal with it," Ohman said. "And it doesn't have to be boring. It depends on how you play. It's easy to play a boring game."

You can say that again.

Oly broadcast sucks eggs

"That's gonna leave a mark"

Time to rap about a controversy
Gonna take a stand, wont show no mercy

Through the power of the internet (or the radio for that matter), you may have learned of Lindsey Kildow’s nasty crash in a training run for the women’s downhill event in Torino, but forget trying to find a video clip of the incident. That’s because NBC’s coverage of the event is weaker than Michelle Kwan’s groin apparently.

It should be no surprise then to find out that American’s have already bailed on NBC’s brown paper bag wrapping of the event. The U.S. television audience so far is less than half that of the Salt Lake games. Of course, Salt Lake did have a home field advantage, but still, half the audience?

A lot of folks say jocks shouldn't be
Doin the sports news on TV
I dont wanna hear the latest scores
From broadcasting school bore

Speaking of Kwan, her self imposed withdrawal from the games may be one of the biggest contributors to NBC’s lackluster numbers. Or, you could point to the fact that Americans just aren’t interested in information they’re probably getting from the internet at work twelve hours ahead of time.

So get your scores from a guy like me
Who knows what its like to have a groin injury
Gra..Gra...Groin Injury!

Problem is, that audience would be hard pressed to get any info (like a video clip of Lindow’s fall) on the NBC Olympic website. There is plenty of info however, on choke artists Bode Miller and Daron Rahlves.

Stupid is What Stupid Does

NASCAR is trying to shed some of its down home image by instilling thinking into the series. At least force teams, drivers and fans to do some thinking about what it takes to qualify for the Daytona 500. The equation requires a Ph.D, although any old doctorate will do.

If a team finished in the top 35 in last year’s Nextel Cup standings, then they automatically get a free pass into this year’s 500. All teams will participate in two lap qualifying runs on Sunday, in which only the top two lock in the top two spots (of 43) on the starting grid.

The remaining fifty-four drivers may then participate in one of two 150-mile qualifying races. The holdover 35 from the previous season and the fast two leftovers from the qualifying races fill out spots 3 through 39.

The fastest remaining drivers from Sunday's time trials will then complete the field -- with one possible exception. The final spot in the field would go to a former Cup champion who doesn't make the lineup on speed or in the qualifying races. The only former champions not among the 35 already guaranteed a starting spot are Bill Elliott (1988) and Terry Labonte (1984, 1996).

Confused? Think about how Roscoe P. Coaltrain and Enos feel.

Let the Real Games Begin

What do Kikkan Randall & Leif Zimmerman of the United States, Sean Crooks of Canada, Sergey Dolidovich of Belarus, Jean Marc Gaillard of France, Aleksandr Lasutkin of Belarus, Natalia Matveeva of Russia, and Evi Sachenbacher of Germany all have in common? Why they’re the first wave of alleged cheats at the upcoming Winter Olympics in Turin, Italy. All eight cross-country skiers were found to have excessive hemoglobin levels, and as a result were all suspended for five days by the International Ski Federation.

The suspension means that they will be held from competing in the first cross country event, the men’s and women’s pursuit on Sunday. The IOC plans on stepping up drug testing during the games in the hope of deterring any cheating. Yeah, good luck with that.

Sachenbacher won gold in the 2002 Salt Lake City Games in the women's relay, and silver in the women's sprint. She is currently seventh in World Cup rankings.

Is the Great (3 to) One Fibbing?

Somebody’s got some splain’in to do. Namely one Wayne Gretzky, who told reporters on Tuesday that he had no prior knowledge of any alleged gambling ring. Specifically, any gambling ring that his wife Janet Jones or his coaching assistant Rick Tocchet had anything to do with. The Newark-Star-Ledger would beg to disagree, reporting that Gretzky was caught on a state wiretap talking about the ring.

"The reality is, I'm not involved, I wasn't involved and I'm not going to be involved," Gretzky said Tuesday night. "Am I concerned for both of them (Tocchet and Jones)? Sure there's concern for me. I'm more worried about them than me."

Well start spending a little more time worrying about yourself there Wayne, because the court of public opinion is about to start raining haymakers. Gretzky’s name is about to get dragged through the mud, along with Phoenix Coyotes general manager Mike Barnett, who the Arizona Republic reports is also suspected of placing bets with the ring.

Jones hand picked a carefully crafted statement on Thursday expunging her husband of any involvement, without doing the same for herself.

Cancel the Busch Beer Sponsorship

"I'm all ears officer"

NASCAR pinhead Kurt Busch was ordered Wednesday to perform 50 hours of community service as part of a plea agreement over a reckless driving citation he received near Phoenix International Raceway last year.

Busch admitted to speeding, a misdemeanor, following too closely and passing in a no-passing zone. In exchange, the reckless driving charge was dropped. Busch was stopped in November after allegedly running a stop sign while speeding. A police report said the deputy smelled alcohol on Busch, and the driver became belligerent. A breath test showed Busch was far below the legal limit for DUI, revealing what most people already knew (that he's a fool even when he's sober).

A police report indicated that Busch was quoted as saying, "You're only doing this because you're a Jeff Gordon fan."

Hey if you're going to insult a cop, why not go all out and call him a Gordon fan.

I Need Two

12 people were arrested last weekend on felony charges for selling counterfeit Super Bowl tickets, and 73 bogus tickets were confiscated at the gates, thanks to special scanners that were used to weed out the fakes. 23 other tickets were confiscated by Detroit Police in stings around the city.

Most counterfeit tickets were sold for an average of $1,500 each, even though their face value was $600. From Jan. 30th to Feb. 6th, authorities arrested two people and confiscated 362,355 counterfeit NFL or Super Bowl items from 22 stores.

Now that the value of tickets has exceed the $500 range, the charges get serious.

My Oh My NHL

You have to wonder how much money is enough. When you’re already on top of the world, living the life of a professional athlete, making millions of dollars a year, what would compel you to be so greedy that you’d start your own gambling ring? Former NHL’er and current Phoenix Coyotoes bench coach Rick Tocchet will have his chance to explain all of that to New Jersey state law enforcement officials on Wednesday.

Tocchet was implicated as the financier of a gambling ring that has processed more than $1.7 million across 1000+ wagers. Reports indicate that 6 to 12 current NHL players have been involved in wagering, along with Janet Jones, the wife of Coyotes head coach Wayne Gretzky. The betting focused mostly on football and basketball, but NHL games were not included in any of the wagers.

An 8-month sting, dubbed “Operation Slapshot” also implicates an NHL owner and another coach, but they have remained nameless to this point. KYW-TV and WCAU-TV of Philadelphia both reported that Los Angeles Kings forward Jeremy Roenick is one of the players believed to have placed bets through the ring.

"Everyone in the world is innocent until proven guilty," Gretzky said. "He's a great guy and a good friend. He's just going through a tough time right now, obviously, and we've got to let it run its course. It's a situation that's obviously a concern for the organization at this point."

Asked about his wife's involvement, Gretzky strained under the camera lights to squeeze out a retort, "Oh really? I don't know. You'd have to ask her that," he said, followed by a contrived laugh.

Never thought we’d see the day when the Great One looked like a cornered sheep.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

New Florida Marlins manager Joe Girardi announced on Monday that players reporting to Spring Training will have to do so without any facial hair. Copying a page out of Yankee owner George Steinbrenner’s guide to running an oppressive kingdom, Girardi will implement a policy that is even more strict than that of the New York boss.

"I want players to look neat and responsible," Girardi said at a media luncheon Monday. "Maybe it's old school. But it's kind of neat when people are always clean, and I like it."

Girardi’s plan lacks one major thing. The faces behind all that absence of facial hair don’t belong to Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez or any other Bomber. After Florida’s recent fire sale, this smells more like slapping lipstick on a pig.

The Day After

Points to ponder the day after:

• Apparently a sports hernia affects your ability to flip a coin.

• Our vote for MVP would have gone to the officiating crew, because nobody played a bigger role in Pittsburgh’s victory than they did.

• Seriously though, Hines Ward won that Escalade in a raffle, because nobody else on the field was a clear standout.

• It’s been reported that Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw did not show for the NFL’s pre-game presentation of past Super Bowl MVP’s because the financial compensation wasn’t worth making the trek to Detroit.

• With as many bad calls and breaks against his team, you’d think Mike Holgrem was out there coaching the Raiders.

• For all you conspiracy theorists out there, Sports Illustrated was hawking "Steelers Championship Package" before the game even started. The package came up when you hit the "www.sipittsburghoffer.com" website. If you tried hitting the www.siseattleoffer.com site, the Steelers offer was presented as well.

• The clear winners of the weekend were anyone who managed to score a ticket to the Maxim party. The magazine took out an ad in the Detroit Free Press, recruiting “hot chicks”. The magazine requested photos in advance, but still retained the right to refuse less than “hot chicks” at the door.

SBXL Game Day

It's game day, so we'll use this entry to post (and update you on SBXL happenings worth mentioning)...

• 6:50 p.m. - Rather fittingly, Jeremy Stevens gets his bell rung on Seattle's last gasp effort to overcome their 11 point deficit. Looks like Punxsutawney Phil was right.

• 5:12 p.m. - Mick Jagger has a wardrobe malfunction at half time, when his face falls off.

• 4:35 p.m. - The NFL hands the Steelers 7 points, even though every person on the planet could see that Ben Roethlisberger never got the football anywhere near the goal line.

• 4:15 p.m. - Ben Roethlisberger commits the game's first turnover, by throwing an interception to Michael Boulware.

• 4:10 p.m. - Detroit's favorite son, Jerome Bettis, finally touches that ball three minutes into the 2nd quarter.

• 1:40 p.m. – The NFL has announced that neither team shall be permitted to cross their own 40 yard-line during warmups, with the exception of special teams players. Apparently the league is trying to keep the teams away from each other in lieu of all the Jeremy Steves - Joey Porter nonsense that has transpired this week.

• 12:20 p.m. – The US Calorie Control Council reports that American will consume 27 billion calories and 1.8 billion grams of fat during the big game today. On the menu -- 11.2 million pounds (five million kilograms) of potato chips (crisps), 8.2 million pounds (3.7 million kilograms) of tortilla chips and 4.3 million pounds (2.9 million kilograms) of pretzels. The average armchair quarterback will munch down 1,200 calories, and 50 grams of fat from snacks alone. This DOES NOT include caloric intake from beer, wine and soda.

• 12:02 p.m. – Still need tickets to the game and you're dumb enough to blow a months salary to go? Plenty remain in the $4000+ range at TicketsNow. Who needs to eat for a month when you can go to the big game?

• 1:27 a.m. – Detroit officials are preparing for a forecast of 4 to 7 inches of snow on Sunday, which begs the question. Why on earth did the NFL decide to hold the Super Bowl in Detroit?

• 12:57 a.m. – Joey Porter has yet to “tap out” and Seahawks. It is of course still, 14 hours until game time.

• 12:24 a.m. – No Pittsburgh or Seattle player has been arrested or kicked off the team for binge drinking thus far.

• 12:01 a.m. - Kyle Smith, a 24 year-old woman from Detroit was shot and killed in a shooting after a “bumping incident” during SBXL festivities in downtown Detroit. An acquaintance of Smith’s was also shot, but was not killed. The lone slaying is far below the over/under of 64 set by bookmakers last week.

SBXL Odds & Ends

SBXL Odds & Ends
• The SBXL quote of the week: "I'll touch it any chance I get and hope to be able to touch it again." -- Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren talking about, you guessed it, the Super Bowl trophy.

• The FBI searched Seattle Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren's rental car this week -- without incident -- after security officials found the hood ajar and not in the spot where hotel valets had parked it.

• Lest we forget, Franco Harris ended his Steelers career in Seattle in 1984. Wonder who he’ll be rooting for on Sunday?

• Regardless of who you want to win Super Bowl XL, we all win on Sunday night. At the point after the cameras stop rolling we won’t have to listen to Joey Porter flapping his gums for at least six months.

• Oddest proposition bet we’ve seen so far: What will there be more of ? Kanye West Grammy wins or number of touchdowns scored by both teams in Super Bowl XL. Would you believe Kanye West +1.5 Total Grammy Wins is taking even money.

Deja Vu

Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his hole on Thursday donning a Terrible Towel. To our horror, Phil saw his shadow while dressed in the Yellow & Black, which means Joey Porter won't shut up for another six weeks.

In other news, Seahawks owner Paul Allen had proposed to have Seattle Slew exhumed, stuffed and put on display in the south end zone during Sunday’s game, because he wanted to have Seattle well represented and the Space Needle wouldn’t fit inside Ford Field.

SB XL coverage begins here

After 6 weeks of training camp, 4 preseason games, 17 weeks of regular season games, and three rounds of playoffs, it’s time. Time for…Lingerie Bowl III. We figured we’d start our Super Bowl coverage off strong, and fizzle into the big game on Sunday.

This is the third annual powder puff alternative to the big game. This year, Jennie McCarthy and Cindy Margolis provide color commentary, while William “Refigerator” Perry provides, well, we’re not sure what he’s doing.

The LA Temptation looks to 3-peat, but they’ll face stiffening competition from the NY Euphoria. Corporate sponsor bodog.com is offering five customers a chance to tackle an LB model live at LB III and win 10 large. No, really.

Be sure to look for the multiple tight end sets.

Put the camera down slowly

Oh how the mighty have fallen. 34 years after participating in the perfect season, former Miami Dolphins running back Larry Csonka pleaded guilty to filming on national forest lands. Apparently it’s illegal to conduct professional activities in a national forest without special-use permits.

So that means there are people roaming our national parks looking for film crews to bust? What kind of work experience do you need to land that gig?

Csonka agreed to fork over $3,887 to our government as a penalty for filming several shows on U.S. Forest Service land, said assistant U.S. attorney Jim Goeke. Aren’t there a bunch of terrorists at Guantanamo Bay that Goeke & company could focus their attention on or something?

Damn, forgot to attach my resume

The San Francisco Bay Area is one lighter in the pro franchise PR department…again. This time the Golden State Warriors were left scrambling to deal with a PR nightmare after PR manager Eric Govan “inadvertently” sent out an email titles “Ghetto Prom”, which included photos of scantily clad black people and inappropriate critiques of the images.

Funny that we’re reporting on this, given half of our commentary is typically inappropriate critiques of the events mentioned herein. But we digress.

The email was sent to the Warriors media distribution list, which included sports reporters, columnists, editors, and radio & television stations. What’s worse, the fact that the racially insensitive email was sent by a representative of the franchise, or that a public relations manager can’t tell the difference between his buddy “Allen Mediosomethingorother” and “All Media” in his email distribution list???

The San Francisco 49ers had to deal with a PR situation earlier this year, when PR director Kirk Reynolds was canned after producing a video that was intended to teach players how to avoid precarious situations off the fields. Reynolds video included racial jokes, lesbian soft-porn and topless woman (we’re still looking for a copy of this video by the way).

Golden State took the same course of action that the 49ers did by cutting ties with Govan immediately.

Oh Henry

Those Virginians sure do love their guns (Western or your standard brand of Virginian). First it was Marcus Vick playing Rambo in a McDonalds parking lot, now we get word that Cincinnati Bengals wide out Chris Henry was arrested on Saturday on three different gun related charges. Henry just completed his rookie season in Cincy after a convictionless stint at West Virginia.

Henry was charged with possession of a concealed firearm, improper exhibition of a firearm and aggravated assault with a firearm. He was released on $3,000 bail. Police witnessed Henry pulling a gun out of his pants as two groups of people started to get into an argument. Who does that? Really, who?

In December, Henry was charged with speeding and marijuana possession (always a good combination). All of this after leading all rookies with six touchdown catches. Henry stock fell last Spring because of, get this, “character issues.” We’d have to say that his guy is quite the character.